Guidepost 1 : Cultivating Authenticity; Letting Go of What People Think
In today's world, the terms "authentic" and "authenticity" are often overused, sometimes losing their true meaning. Rarely do we pause to consider the intricacies of these words. Often, when people share rigid opinions, they are perceived as authentic. I like to ask myself: what's beneath that opinion? What's driving it? What makes it feel so unyielding and resistant to a broader perspective or exploration?
In my quest to understand authenticity, I've realised it largely depends on how much of yourself you're willing to accept. How much of myself do I fully embrace? My strengths, weaknesses, joys, struggles, reactions to life's ups and downs, how I show up for myself and others, the beautiful and the ugly parts, and my relationship with fear. How do I process these experiences and acknowledge the higher self within me? Authenticity, to me, is about making daily choices that allow me to see my inner self before others do. It's not a fixed state but a daily practice. Some days, practicing authenticity is easier than others.
When I think of the most authentic individuals I know, I often think of children, especially those aged 0-5. They express themselves unconsciously-unapologetically, adapting to changes with ease. Every day is new and full of opportunity. They might ask the same question repeatedly and still receive the answer with curiosity. They don't form rigid opinions or close themselves off. Sadly, as parents and adults, we sometimes find their expression uncomfortable and begin to prune it to fit our worldview. We say things like, "You're too much" or "You're annoying." We don't realise that their young, absorbent minds internalise these messages, associating their authentic selves with negativity. This is how limiting beliefs take root—often unnoticed by both parents and children. While discipline is necessary when behaviour is inappropriate, it's crucial to choose words wisely to provide a nurturing and guiding space.
Az, one of my children, illuminated this realisation for me. Sometimes she welcomed affection, and other times she didn't care for it. During bedtime, I'd ask, "Would you like a hug and a kiss?" Sometimes she'd eagerly say yes, and other times she'd respond, "I've had enough hugs for one day, mummy. Maybe a kiss here," pointing to her forehead, cheeks, or lips. Her response surprised me at first—she was only three. But I've come to see it as a gift, hearing something said with such love and honesty. As a parent, I must tap into self-awareness to recognise that her response isn't a rejection of my affection but an expression of her feelings in the moment.
Practicing authenticity as a parent who grew up in a world where fitting in was paramount is challenging. There's a constant reminder that what you're doing is different from the "norm," amplified by social media. We've developed a cancel culture that reacts to perceived threats, often because fitting in feels easier than truly belonging. What goes unnoticed is that those practicing authenticity have faced soul-searching struggles, questioned their life's meaning, accepted themselves, and chosen to engage vulnerably with gratitude and joy.
As a parent, practicing authenticity is vital if you want your child to do the same. It's not something you can fake. Children are more intuitive than we realise. They possess an untainted innocence that many adults have lost through over-identification with limiting beliefs and opinions. I recall a time at my godson's house when someone knocked on the door. He opened it and said, "No, you can't come in. My mum is busy and doesn't like you." His mother scolded him, even though he spoke the truth—he'd heard her say it. While the person on the receiving end might not have liked it, if the mother had practiced authenticity, she could have managed the tricky aspects of that relationship more effectively, avoiding the dramatic phone calls and gossip that followed. We forget that our children observe us—how we interact with each other, speak of loved ones, and relate to friends in their presence and absence.
Embracing change and choosing to show up as your true self can be challenging for those close to you, especially if it reflects something they dislike. There's a risk of criticism, and when it's about your true self, it can be cruel. This is where people might attack your appearance, work, parenting style, or lovability. Responding with cruelty or shutting down are defences we might reach for, but they aren't beneficial. Allow the emotion to flow, painful as it may be. Let it speak to you, engage with it in self-compassion, and be courageous. Look past the cruelty, stay brave, and seek connection.
“To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight— and never stop fighting.” E. E. Cummings